


Virulent

by flxmes



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff, Edgy, M/M, but also fluttery so, changlix, changlix angst, changlix au, i cant describe this in tags so give it a read, i dont know omg, if it ever finish this it's going to be a mirace, it's a game of life and death yall, it's angsty and dark, ok so, they're both from secret agencies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-06 23:27:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13421871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flxmes/pseuds/flxmes
Summary: Coloring their paths in nuances of death. That's how Seo Changbin and Lee Felix have been keeping their worth on the earth's grounds for years. Yet, through all that time, they have never ever stumbled upon something as virulent as love.Until they met each other.





	1. humans.

**Author's Note:**

> in the beginning it was just a moodboard but i saw many wanted this so i cracked my fingers and put myself to work. 
> 
> updates on: mondays.

Chaos. It's one of the words you can use to describe the world. Everywhere you look, there's always something happening. Either is it good, or bad. Changbin would describe it as a tumultuous silence. It's loud, yet silent, thriving, yet emotionless, a lonely cage surrounded by catastrophe. You never know what to expect. You never know if you're ever going to escape, or slowly get used to the noise and become one with it. You never know if the chaos is going to kill you or save you, calm you down or make you lose your mind.

He thought that the only thing that could save humanity from its own sinful hands was beauty. The beauty of small details and corners of the world that less and less can see. The complexity of each spot and the diversity of colors in life itself. That one star that shines so brightly even through oceans of clouds and darkness, the sound of rain and waves, of nature, the endless palette of tints on a leaf, birds chirping and flowers blooming. Everything around us that we stopped to admire and defined them as _materials_ , _objects_.

That's why Changbin hated humans. He hated them because it was easy to hate them. They have so many flaws that it'd be easier to despise them all than learn how to love them. And he was there too, through that crowd of people, flawed people. He was worse than many, too. His hands that touched blood, his eyes that don't blink, his heart that doesn't flinch, those and many more made him a bad person, the kind of bad person others talk about, others who think that they've never been bad, but the truth is that everyone has been bad at least once in their lifetime.

We burst into innocence once we're born and then we grow through destruction and break, delicately and slow, then abruptly and mercilessly. But we all break differently.

Changbin liked to compare humans to crystals of sand. Too many, too small and although unnoticeable, different, special and important. The only difference is that sand is united, it goes altogether or none when a wave hits, while humans unite to fight against each other. They're creatures made of sand with hearts made of thunder.

"Are you ready?" Han Jisung's voice filled the silent, barely illuminated room as he picked up his bag from the ground and put it on his shoulder.

Zipping up his black vest, hands patting over each pocket for one last time, Changbin did the same, thumbs slipping under his backpack's straps. He gave the other a tight nod, the both of them spending a brief moment looking at each other, the sound of the broken fan above them rotating into their ears louder than before.

And humans, also, aside from the world they live in, have their own little worlds. This was Seo Changbin's world.

With one last intake of breath, the other man opened the heavy, rusty door of the rooftop, their feet stomping to the ground when a strong windbreak hit them forcefully, their arms going above their eyes as Jisung was the first one to step forward and then Changbin followed, closing the door behind them.

The wind was so powerful that you could see the way the clouds moved synchronically. Dead leaves were dancing in form of hurricanes in a corner, other ones scattered around, wandering. Lined up in front of the helipad were five men, looking more like statues than living souls, all of them pampered in black uniforms, the red numbers on each of their vests visible from far away. Fingers passing over his own number, he clenched his teeth and start walking towards the men.

 _The best out of the best_. The phrase echoed in his mind as he walked, knuckles turning white from how tight he was gripping his backpack's straps. _The bravest cold-hearts out of them all_. The ground was shuddering under his feet with each thought. _Devoted_. With one last step, he was in that line too, body petrifying. _Fearless_. He watched the world, the buildings, everything, everything that he's ever thought of them. _Smart_. And _real_. _Real with themselves and the others around them_.  

 _Out of thousands, only seven of them were chosen to show something more than brutality. They were chosen to show honor, respect, and loyalty_. _After years of getting their hands covered in blood and fire, the time for them has come_. 

The helicopter was getting closer, blending with the forceful wind, yet none of them even blinked through the forming storm of air around them.

 _They are going to fight until they won't know themselves anymore, fight against others just as good as them to take a place out there in the society_. _In the end, only four of the nation's best are going to remain and serve the country until their time will end and another four will be chosen._

One after another, they stepped into the helicopter and sat in their seats, hands grabbing their knees as they were seated straight, an acute silence cutting through them.

 _In the main time of three weeks, they are going to go through different activities that will test them for the final fight._ _**Let the battle for the best, begin** _ _._

And also, Changbin thought, humans are adventurers, living on adrenaline, edginess and never-ending greed. 

And so was he, off to a new adventures, greedy, ready and on the verge of doing anything he has in power to prove himself as more than breathing meat. More than what he thinks humans are. 

 

 

 

 

  ⚘

 

 

 

_Gyeonggi Province,_   _Anyang._

 

 

The air was calm, a warm breeze glistening through Changbin's clothes. He was in an unknown territory, different buildings and people surrounding him. It felt strange, this hectic feeling in his heart, this constant jumping up and down in his chest. He's never been so far away from home, he's never seen what other parts of the same world he lived in looked like, and although he watched the news and movies, he never thought that his heart could race like that because of something new. 

 

 

The door of the car they arrived with after landing was still open, being held by his hand as he looked around, astonished. The building in front of him was immense, dark windows everywhere. It almost seemed surreal, the millions of glasses hit by the bright rays of sunshine. He wondered if it was as phenomenal inside too. He bet it was.

 

 

He didn't know what it had to hide or show, why were they there and what were they going to do, but he knew that he had to be there, and he had to do his best to be able to create a brighter future for himself as well as for his country. 

  
With one last intake of breath, he closed the car's door and followed the other men inside the building, automatic doors opening for them, beeping sounds echoing in the large hall after each one of them passed through lined up scanners. The place was entirely white, so immaculate it was almost blinding. Floors, walls, furniture, everything seemed as if it was made of snow. From up high, they probably looked like ink on paper. In comparison with the black exterior of the building, the inside was the exact opposite. The windows that Changbin saw earlier were nowhere to be found, only lustrous walls surrounding him. The ceiling seemed never-ending and you could barely spot the cameras and speakers installed in different corners of the room.

And what made the place even more fascinating was its void silence, adding a contrast to its calming, yet blinding color. With each step he made through the quiet, he started feeling heavier and heavier. It was as if he was walking on a bomb, not knowing when was it going to explode.

"Welcome to Program 8-18-12," A woman's voice suddenly echoed through the hall, making the seven men stop in unison. "A team of people is going to arrive soon and guide you through everything you need to know so please wait in front of the elevators," She continued right away, her tone almost robotic, and then she vanished as fast as she appeared.

Changbin's eyes wandered, searching through white paint, turning his head from right to left, but what he was looking for was right in front of him, a few more steps away. The said elevators the lady mentioned earlier. The sight left Changbin in awe, his emotions forming storms inside of him.

An _endless_ row of elevators was lined up one beside the other, their number passing two digits, blending through the neutral color of the hall. They looked like wardrobes made of shiny gloss, that were either hiding an empty place or a whole new universe. He's never seen anything like that before. He wondered if the others felt the same way. If they were going crazy on the inside despite their serious faces or if they were just as taken aback by the view as much as he was, if they were worried about what was waiting for them behind those walls or if their minds were filled with as many thoughts as his'.

"Damn," He heard Jisung's voice from beside him, feeling the man's hand on his shoulder.

At least one of them was.

Letting out a breathy 'yeah', he went back to exploring, head raising to look upwards. He didn't notice it before, the glass wall above the elevators, through which the strong sunlight was lighting up the place. And as he looked at it, trying to figure out what was behind it, his attention got stolen by something else. Humans. Humans in glass cylinders were going down at a fast speed, almost looking as if they were floating in the air. They were about twenty, all coming down in sync, dressed in white uniforms, their legs parted and their arms in front of them.

And then, with one loud 'beep', all those elevators' doors opened all at once, the same men from the cylinders closer to them now, the way all of them stepped out at the same time making Changbin's stomach twirl. They looked more like robots than people. Perfect proportions, unreadable faces, petrified positions, it was as if someone cloned them and controlled them from a dark corner.

He was so immersed in his thoughts that he almost forgot to bend forwards and greet them, but his instincts were still strong and he wasn't chosen as one of the best for nothing. Although his mind was reckless, he had good reactions and control over his brain. 

The men wearing black bowed respectfully, the ones wearing white doing the same afterward. They looked like a forming war or a closer step to unity.

"Welcome," A raw voice echoed in the hall, one of the strangers stepping in the front, hands going behind his back as he calculated with his eyes every single new face. "We're glad to have you here," He continued after receiving the nods of seven people, starting to take slow steps. "All of you already know why you're here, but you probably don't know where this 'here' is. Well, this is where all of the three weeks activities you've been told about will be held. Although I'd love to tell you more about the many hidden secrets of this building, I'm not here to give you a tour. I'm here to inform you about the program and help you find your way through this maze. The project's name, 8-18-12, is an arithmetical code that means HRL. Honor, Respect, and Loyalty. That meaning that through these activities, you will prove that your blood contains those and those three values only," The man stopped, licking his lips and clearing his throat. "The activities you are going to do are based on levels. Every three days the level changes, the missions getting harder and in the end, the ones who will remain are going to fight into the big battle where the best four will be chosen,"

The room fell silent. The man in front of them gave them a last look, one eyebrow lifting at the lack of reaction from the stone-like men before a smirk curved on the edge of his lips.

"And about where you are going to stay...I suppose all of you have your ID cards with you. Inside the elevators, there's a special place onto the door for cards, insert yours there. A few numbers will be shown on a separate screen. The first one is the floor, the second is your room and the third one is the new code you are going to be identified with.  Lower, there's a special cabinet from where you are going to get a printed map of the floors, a key, and a bracelet. Sounds easy, right? If you get lost, you can use the bracelet, it is going to help you get to your destination,"

The black-haired man ended his long speech, smile even wider than before as he stopped from walking right and left. Everything was so much more complex than he thought it'd be. Technology really overcame itself this time. It truly felt like they were slowly camouflaging into maneuvered souls.

With one last bow and a 'thank you' shout from the seven men, the white dressed strangers turned their bodies to the left, letting the black dressed ones step inside the elevators. And the second the doors closed, Changbin let out a heavy breath, his hand touching his heart. Thump, thump, it was beating frantically, his eyes closing for a second to take back everything he's been holding in for all that time, the loud 'beep' from earlier reappearing.

_Concentrate_. He heard his subconscious mutter, opening his eyes and hurriedly taking out his ID card from his vest' front pocket, placing it onto the door, that compared to the way it looked on the outside, on the inside it was metallic, filled with screens and buttons and numbers. One of the biggest screens lighted up the moment he inserted his card, numbers moving onto it until it suddenly stopped. 10th floor, room 142, code 9045. How many floors were there even? How many rooms? How many people? What was that place even?

A few seconds later, he heard a clink, glance moving lower only to notice a paper inside a special cabinet, over it a pair of keys and a bracelet. He tried to recall the man's words from earlier and slowly picked them up, not even understanding that he was already moving.

He gave the map a long look, everything looking clean and organized, making Changbin think that it would be impossible to get lost in there. Then he took the keys and placed them in his jeans' pocket and lastly he put the white bracelet on his wrist, examining it carefully. He doubted it was just for showing directions. He would've looked at it longer if the same damned 'beep' wouldn't have startled him, announcing him that he has arrived at his floor.

Out of curiosity, instead of getting out of the elevator, he turned his back to the doors and approached the glass instead.

Behind it, except the high height he was at, was another kind of paradise completely different from the white painted hall. There were plants everywhere. Plants and flowers growing high onto the glass, colors of green and red and pink and blue messing with his eyes. He could see down there trees and bushes and actual birds, turning and flying around. It was almost magical. It'd take him ages to analyze every single spot of that place and he definitely didn't have time for that.

So, with a shudder, he took his ID card that fell on the floor after the doors opened and got out of the elevator, being met by a new kind of scenery. The white was long forgotten, a hallway covered in black and red filling his sight. The floor was black and the walls were red, meanwhile, the doors on each side of the hall were white, creating a knob in Changbin's throat. He hardly unglued his feet from the ground and started walking, soul almost drenching when he noticed the number 13 on one of the doors, figuring out that he was going to have to do a lot of walking that day.

He could feel himself slowly losing hope when after what felt like forever he reached door 78, having a little bit more until he could finally land on a bed. With that thought in mind, his steps quickened, eyes wavering from right to left to check on the doors, his tired brain almost automatically generating every digit it saw and going to the next one. He almost got a heart attack when all of the sudden a door appeared in front of him, the wood centimeters away from his face. He didn't even realize how close he's been to the wall all that time. He considered himself lucky for not getting actually hit.

But he was in a rush, he didn't have the time or will to think about anything else than the fact that he had to find his room, so his mind went back to the digits, body passing the obstacle thinking that the way was free, but three steps later he bumped into something else. It was a person. Changbin was about to apologize and just keep on walking, but when he turned his head to look at the person, the words kind of turned around and were swallowed back.

Wide, interesting shaped eyes were looking down at him through large pupils, the distance between him and the stranger so small that Changbin could count each one of the man's scattered freckles, that he could hear the man's every breath and see each tint of color on his plump lips. And he was handsome, but his looks were scarred, a deep scar shading over his left cheek that probably had lots of stories hidden behind it. 

Changbin's eyebrows furrowed, searching different constellations on the man's face, thing that wasn't normal to do with someone he has never ever seen in his life until then.

_Gather yourself, Changbin_. His subconscious came back, restarting his frozen functions after a short circuit.

"Sorry," He muttered towards the freckled man, hands grabbing his backpack's straps and after another brief moment of looking at the stranger for no reason at all, he turned his head and started walking again, but he wasn't even looking at the doors anymore. His mind was elsewhere.

He didn't even understand when he got to his room nor when he unlocked the door or when he let his backpack fall on the floor or when he sat down onto the bed situated not too far away from the entrance. All that time his mind was going round and round over that man and there wasn't a specific reason. His mind just kept on replaying the fragment when he turned his head and got hit by that gaze that got his heart spinning.

_And also, humans, he thought, are weird. They have emotions, yet they choose to create different_ _ones_ _with their minds. They have memories, yet they prefer to change them. They have a heart, yet they prefer to shut it down. They have a brain, yet they only use it mechanically. They, themselves, don't know who they are but they like to state the fact that they're someone. Because that makes them know who they are_.

Changbin's lost phase didn't last for long, though, and by the time he got familiar with his room, took a shower and unpacked, the freckled man incident was already forgotten.


	2. dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't believe i finally found time to finish it. i feel as if it's a bit rushed and there are probably lots of mistakes- but let's hope that none of them are major and that i can fix them later on. /heart/

_Water_. Water everywhere. Under him, over him, through him. He could see the bubbles speedily reaching the waves he couldn't feel, the inside of the bubbles sparkling, so bright it looked as if he was surrounded by stars. He wanted to move, but he couldn't, so he kept on floating through dead silence. All he could do was blink. He couldn't even think. His mind was completely blank, dark smoke polluting his thoughts and making them unclear.

He could hear the rain hitting the waves, but he couldn't see the sky through the water. He could feel himself under the water, but he wasn't drowning. He was just, there, with the world above him in chaos and his heart under waves, at peace. There was a brief moment when he closed his eyes, all of the sounds and everything he could feel disappearing into a different Neverland, but it didn't last for long.

The moment he opened his eyes, the water was gone, the stars were gone and only the sound of the storm was there, a pitch darkness in front of him. He turned his head to the right, the faded red lights from the electronic clock indicating _3:46 AM_ , making him frown. He let out a heavy breath and closed his eyes, head turning back to face the ceiling, his fingers intertwined on the top of his chest.

 _Dreams_ , he thought. Another unsolved mystery of the world they lived in. In Changbin's opinion, dreams are all of the thoughts we try to throw away, all of the thoughts that don't make any sense, all of the feelings that we neglect or the ones that take over us, the things we want but can't get or the things we have but don't appreciate, the fantasies that we don't believe in or things we believe in that aren't real. _Dreams, like people, are outcasts of the mind_. They're out of the ordinary and that's why everyone keeps on trying to find a meaning behind them.

But maybe there's no meaning at all, maybe they're just there because they have no other place to run away to.

 _Just like the storm outside_. It rages because it's lonely because it held in so many things that no one listened to and it broke down, deciding to run away through crowds of people in matter to make itself noticed. And Changbin listened to it. To the dozens of feelings in each droplet of rain. And although chaotic, although loud, they helped him find a peace long time lost.

That's how he found himself after a while watching the usual yet miraculous phenomenon from his room's balcony, thoughts rushing around emptiness. They ran around the dark sky, around the furious wind, around the sound of droplets of rain hitting into others that already formed their own little world on the ground. He looked around and took a deep breath, eyes closed, letting the fresh air fill his lungs and soothe his mind. It felt good.

He sighed and gripped the balcony's edge with his hands, opening his eyes and turning his head to the right. He was about to waver his gaze to somewhere else, but the familiar shape of another person caught his attention and stilled him in his place. A few balconies away, elbows leaning onto the handrail, was a boy, the galaxy boy Changbin met a few hours ago. He wasn't doing anything in particular, probably too lost in a maze of thoughts he had created himself, but the sight of him there, made Changbin's insides shuffle.

The brunette once again captivated him. Just by being there through the storm at the same hour and time as him, just by being so tangled in his own thoughts to care about the rain hitting his arms, just by being there, he warmed Changbin's frozen feelings. It felt as if his heart had stopped the moment he saw him, blurred sentiments digging through him.

He didn't know what it was but, the fact that he wasn't the only one there, that there was someone there just like him, made him feel, it made him feel different. He didn't know how to explain it, the sudden colorful and warm feeling inside of him. It was like standing by the fireplace on a cold winter night with a cup of warm tea in your hands, knowing that you wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world at that moment. It felt reassuring, was the word he was looking for safe?

And as he was staring, stolen away by his own mind, the side-profile of the boy disappeared and two searching eyes met his'. They met again. Both of them frowned, Changbin's breath hitching in his throat and the storm from outside becoming quieter and quieter as the storm in his head took over him. And although he couldn't see him well, although the world was literally upside down at that time, he still couldn't take his eyes off of him. It was the first time in his life when something like that had happened and he didn't know what to do about it.

But he didn't want to be weird about it. And he didn't want to form any kind of bond with anyone in that building because, in the end, they are all going to fight each other to death. So, he did the first thing you do when you want to avoid something. He turned around without a last glance and disappeared from the other's sight, closing the balcony's door and getting welcomed by his room's darkness. The sound of the chaos outside became even more faded and at the same time, the uneasiness inside of him got even madder.

Holding himself up on top of the door, he looked blankly at the floor and chewed on his cheek, stealing a glance behind him as if he could see something through the dark wood, but there was nothing. The weight of his thoughts eventually made his eyelashes give up and with a light hit of his head on top the door, he let out a heavy sigh.

_And sometimes, you wish that some things could become dreams. A reality you know that was never real, to begin with. Sometimes, Changbin wished his feelings could become dreams._

○●

"This is the Virtual Reality room, where most of your missions are going to take place, since it helps us work with your psychological state of mind and develop your vision on different kinds of situations," The bald man's voice echoed through the halls as he entered the gigantic, immaculate, white and empty room.

There was an endless amount of space, so much that you could count the place as a field instead of a room and if you looked up, it seemed as if you were locked into a mini version of the Earth, or inside of a ball. Changbin thought that out of all the building's places he'd seen, the Visual Reality room was the one that intrigued him the most because of its spherical shape and emptiness. Almost all of the other rooms had some required equipment filling the void space, but that one had nothing at all. It was just there, waiting to make someone lose their mind with its hidden tricks.

"And right under this room, it's the Fake Reality place, where you can go and relax or do whatever you please since it doesn't have any importance for your training. You can go and see it for yourselves after we finish the tour and choose your favorite corner. You'll be surprised of the new world you're going to step into," Their guide spoke again, hands behind his back as he turned around, all of the men dressed in white making the way clear for him. And Changbin did the same, watching his superior exit the room then following him in silence.

After the incident from that morning, he couldn't fall asleep no matter how hard he had tried. He even tried counting sheep, but he couldn't keep up with them so he gave up. He even tried to exercise in matter to get tired, he tried it all, really, but by the time something had actually started to doze off inside of him, the sun was already creeping out and his 5 AM alarm was beeping alarmingly. And after that, of course, he wasn't able to close an eye.

He never thought that having breakfast with one hundred men could be so exhausting. He thought that, since they are all professionals with a ton of life experience, the canteen would be rather quiet, only occasional murmurs going on, but everyone in there was so talkative that Changbin doubted reality for a few seconds. They even had to be calmed down by the guide man after a while, since none of them would have the decency to lower their voices. Even after the tour had begun, some of the men still wouldn't stop whispering, but thankfully most of the noise was gone.

"And this section is the Gym. Although most of you might find this amusing, thinking that you are made of stone and that the strength you already have is enough to fight a bull, working out is still a very important factor. You can't keep in shape forever and these activities you are going to attend won't be enough to get you physically ready for the final battle. The Gym section includes not only the basic equipment each gym contains, but there's also a pool, a football pitch, a tennis, basketball and volleyball court, a track and more. You are required to come here at least one time a day,"

The plain voice he's been hearing ever since he woke up made its appearance again, grabbing Changbin's thoughts and throwing them away. He wondered how much longer does he have to hear it. He just wanted to leave and go downstairs to that Fake Reality place and find his long lost peace.

It felt like an eternity when, four sections later, the bald man finally announced the ending of the tour and set them free with one last notice, which told them that lunch was going to be served at two o'clock in the afternoon and that their official activities will be starting from the following day. The thought that everything he's been working for, all of the sleepless nights and neglected emotions, were going to pay off soon, sent chills through his spine.

He kept on thinking about that as he walked away from the crowd, hands dipped in his pockets. Thinking about the days when he used to be too young to know what cruelty was, and then to the days when he was still young, but lived through cruelty. Thinking about the time when he used to be a sixteen years old kid, who got himself into a world he never even knew that existed and how he gave all of him for years to be where he is now, fighting with himself and the world around him to become someone.

Drowned in the wavy thoughts, he didn't even notice the other person already standing in front of the Fake Reality room's doors, his automatically working body hitting into the stranger, shaking off both of them. He was about to curse, ready to put all the blame on the other person, but he almost choked out the words when the stranger turned around, confusion readable on his features, the galaxy boy who's been haunting him for hours now standing not even a meter away from him. He noticed the brunette's eyes growing bigger for a second, trying to keep his own face expressions emotionless even though his heart was frantically jumping up and down as if it went insane.

"Here?" The boy in front of him murmured, his tone lower than Changbin had imagined it, much lower, his eyes wavering unsure, pupils dilating then becoming small again in a strangely beautiful way, his arm stretched out to point towards the closed doors behind them.

Changbin gave him a sharp nod, hands going behind his back, glance falling over one of the walls to avoid eye contact, trying to sneakily look at the boy from the corner of his eyes though. It was an unnecessary act and a dumb strategy, he was fully aware of that, but his ability to be in full control of his soul and mind state would, for some reason, become useless around this stranger with universe-like features.

"Where do you want to go?"

The other spoke again after he turned back around, lighting up the small screen situated on the left side of the doors, that showed a few options inside of small, blue squares.

"Sea," He answered, tone plain, noticing a small smile fighting itself on the other's lips after he said the word, the tiny action messing around with his brain. "You choose the time and weather," He continued after a little while.

"Are we going in together?" The brunette turned around in a flash, voice louder and accent more prominent. He almost gave Changbin a heart-attack.

And, _were they really going in there together? Did he want them to go there with the stranger?_ Honestly, he wished he could just go by himself without the constant tremble of his heart and mind that the boy gave him, but something inside of him just couldn't turn down the brunette.

"As you wish," Was Changbin's final choice of words, noticing a slight change in the other's actions, the boy not even responding him and just spinning around to hurriedly select the remained choices. He chose night time and a chilly, calm weather and it was _exactly what he had in mind too._

After that, their voices faded away in memories, both of them waiting in silence for the two doors to open and then they stepped inside, entering a narrow hall, that's color changed second after second, each bright shade fainting into its next darker one, millions of nuances playing in every single spot their eyes would land on. It was fascinating.

Changbin turned his head to glance at the other, breath hitching at the sight of multicolored lights blending with the boy's face and lighting up his eyes.

He didn't even realize there was a smile creeping on his lips, one that he didn't know the reason of. He was so caught up in his mind's battles and the boy beside him that he didn't get to see the way the walls around them started growing wider and slowly disappearing. He could only focus on the person he was with, whose mouth was slightly opened and eyes were wandering everything in awe. It was as if, although they were living a fantasy-like experience, Changbin could only see the tiny specs of magic dust that added a different feeling to the atmosphere.

He only noticed the change when the lights were already gone and their feet were digging in sand, the smell of the sea filling his nostrils and the chilly air passing through his skin. Darkness was surrounding them, above them a million of stars shining in unison, creating a different ocean of light. He looked around, doubting his eyes for a while as the both of them simply stilled in their spots and got taken away by the sight. It was insane how seconds ago they were in a dull, almost empty building, barely illuminated by sunlight and now they were sitting somewhere far away, around them only the endless sea and sand.

" _Woah_ ," He heard the soft exhale of the boy beside him, humming in agreement as his eyes glittered while trying to take in each detail of the place he was in.

The brunette bent down, fingers passing through the sand and breath stopping in his throat, taking some in his palms and turning to face Changbin.

"It's actual sand," He said with enthusiasm, his husky voice getting higher and his mouth breaking into a blinding smile, that almost made the dark-haired forget again of the unreal landscape around him, totally mesmerized by the galaxy boy's charms. "Do you think the water is real too?" The stranger's enthusiasm multiplied, forming a half smile on Changbin's face when he childishly ran towards the sea, his feet passing through the, apparently, water hologram.

The disappointed on the brunette's face was what fulfilled his smile, his heart not being able to handle the amount of cuteness, that people like they weren't supposed to have.

" _Number 9045_ , mind going into the deep with me?!" He heard the boy's shout after a bit, a wide smile plastered all over his face, body dropping and pretending to be underwater.

 _Fool_ , Changbin thought. He just shook his head, eyes fixing onto his own shoes as he sat down on the sand, arms falling on top of his knees.

"You're no fun, 9045!" The stranger shouted again, pretending to splash water towards him. He scoffed.

"You're such a kid, 4590!" Changbin fired back, trying to hold back the smile that was threatening him, but giving up after a few moments and letting it hurt his cheeks as he watched the weird boy fool around through the water hologram, each one of his movements and noises making his heart flinch.

_And, there are times when people can become dreams too. Unforgettable moments. He never wanted to become a dream, neither thought that he'd ever see anyone as one, but watching the stranger whose only code he knew, watching him laugh and have fun under the starry night, he wished that he could become his dream, so he can see him every night._

It was strange. _Really_ strange, indeed.

 


	3. thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> newwwwwwww chapter i can't believe i actually posted although a day later pls forgive me i didn't have time ++ it came out short and lame but from next chapter starts the interesting shit so get ready /throws hearts/

_Who is this boy? This boy who keeps appearing in front of my eyes whenever I'm alone? This boy who makes my mind blank and feet weak? Why can't I just look away from him? Why can't I neglect him? Why is his smile so wide in front of a stranger and why is my heart so alive in front of him? Maybe he's poisoned, or maybe he's the poison itself. Maybe he's a miracle or a curse on earth. Maybe he's an angel or the bit of light in my life that I was always so scared of stumbling upon._

Thoughts after thoughts kept on wandering around Changbin's head as he watched the galaxy boy approach him with a wide smile, moon and stars painting pretty highlights over his features. He looked as if he was a part of the Fake Reality room himself, an illusion that seemed too real, yet so enchanting and unusual. He wondered for a moment if these seconds weren't just fragments from dreams, or lost segments created by his strange imagination. And as the brunette's presence was getting closer, his mind was getting quieter, his thoughts fading in their own messy, little world. The less they were, the more he could hear and feel the moments he that he lived.

He could feel the breeze that was shuffling their hairs, hear the sound of waves mixed with short breaths and cut laughter. Hear the night and feel the bizarre yet calming atmosphere emanating from the air. It was as if the stranger had a certain spell, that'd always work on splashing Changbin with droplets of reality.

With a heavy groan, the mentioned boy fell onto the sand beside him, elbows leaning on top of his spread knees and palms cupping his face. And then he looked at him, their eyes meeting once again. Those big, always searching for something more eyes. For once again, Changbin got lost. He confused the paths of the boy's scattered freckles, the little lights in his loving glance, the up and downs in his chestnut hair, the full, strawberry shape of his lips and the softness of his cheeks, of his simplicity. _Stop_. A little voice muttered in the back of his mind as if trying to escape from the wall built by the stranger's spell.

And although each one of his inner fibers was telling him not to listen to it, he still did, head turning away and glance fixing onto the sea while trying to remove the moving image of the strangely ethereal boy situated not even a meter away from him.

"9045," That low, soothing voice lingered through the air and took his oxygen away, the sound of the brunette's tone making him feel as if he's five meters underwater. It made him feel at ease, yet breathless and on the verge of letting go of himself.

He didn't even dare to look at him, deciding to just let out a hum in response, placing his arms on his bent knees and putting his chin over his arms.

"What's your name?" He heard 4509 ask in a smaller voice, his pronunciation making Changbin's lips twirl into a tiny smile, that he hid into his arms.

He sneakily looked at the stranger from the corner of his eyes, heart palpitating.

"I'm not telling you," He muttered, a sly smile covering his mouth, but this time he didn't look away. He stayed, stopped time and stared at the way the curious boy smiled, nose scrunching. And without realizing, he scrunched his nose back to him, the little action getting the best and brightest smile out of the brunette. _God, he's literally glowing_. He wondered how could someone like him be in a place like that, how could someone so bright have the coldness in his blood to kill and what was he doing with someone like Changbin, with someone who barely smiles on shiny days. And why was he making him smile so much?

"Why? Are you afraid of getting attached to someone you have to fight till' blood with later on?"

Changbin scoffed, lifting his eyebrows at the male's words.

"People like us don't get attached," He plainly answered and noticed the frown forming on the other's face. It made him curious about what was he thinking of, what was the reason for the small, yet significant act in his expressions?

"Why do you think so?"

And that simple question, made him drown. _Why?_ Why don't people like them get attached? _Is it because they aren't supposed to? Because they don't want to? Because they are so cold-hearted that not even the warmest person on earth can pass through their skin? Or is it because they were never given the chance to? Can someone who can't even remember what getting attached to someone means, ever feel the same again?_

And although he wanted to ask the boy in front of him all of those things, he kept them to himself, clearing his throat.

"I just do, I guess," He shrugged, tightening his lips and searching some kind of answer in the other's features.

The brunette seemed to have a lot to say too and the agony of knowing about it all was drenching Changbin alive.

"Then," 4509 said louder after a few seconds of silence, a small pout shaping onto his lips, body slightly balancing from left to right. "Why won't you tell me your name?"

 _Why do you want to find out that bad? Why is a name that important? After all, we might never talk again. After all, this world we chose to get in, will always be against of us. So why know my name? Why want to know more? Why take the risk of building something that's going to get shattered?_ He heard a part of himself ramble, a part of himself that was craving to be heard but that's mouth has been sealed. Yet, he didn't have an answer for the boy. Because, as absurd it might sound, Changbin was indeed scared of getting attached, he's been his whole life. And for some reason, he knew that getting attached to the strange boy in front of him won't be that hard. And he hated that the most.

"And what if I don't have one? Will you stand up and leave?"

The brunette looked at him intensely for a bit, then let his palms drop from his face.

"No, but _it's tiring to always think of you as 'the short boy', 'the dark-haired guy', '9054', 'quiet dude' and more_ ,"

And Changbin expected anything, really, but not that answer.

 _He's thinking of me the same way that I am thinking of him, always searching for a way to remember him in my mind and somehow always knowing that it's him that I'm thinking of._ The thought made him dizzy and his feelings turbulent, as if words could start a fire, a war of indescribable sentiments.

He wanted to disappear and let his thoughts collide, let go of them and never meet them ever again. They only made his heart's condition worse and his mind steamy. He hated thoughts. H _e hated thoughts for always messing around with his brain and whole persona, for always keeping him awake at night and on the verge of going insane while doing the most casual tasks. He hated thoughts for being loud and selfish, he hated thoughts for being just like humans and acting just like dreams. And mostly, he hated himself for getting driven by them, by every single one of them. For listening to each one and letting them take over his sanity._

 _He hated them because he couldn't control them_.

Just like he couldn't control his own heart and person whenever the freckled boy is around. He hated him too. He was just like his thoughts. Everywhere and selfishly draining him alive with his every breath.

And he didn't even know his name.

And although he was a maze of tangled emotions, he still let out a chuckle and shook his head at the boy.

"What a flirt," Changbin's voice touched the night's silence, tender whisper sweetening the thick air.

"Gross," The brunette said as he scrunched his nose again, eyes squinting.

For some strange reason given by the universe, he scrunched his nose back and they ended up just staring at the sea and laughing with each other for no reason whatsoever.

 _And then the storm of thoughts made its entrance again, but they felt number than before_.

 

 


	4. about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello there everyone, guess who's back? after 9 months of many changes in my life, i found myself here again, to this story and i don't actually know if there is anyone who'd read this anymore but, i've missed this story and saw some words from people here that really made me thinking 'why should it end?' so in about twenty minutes i finished a whole storyline summary in a long forgotten notebook and am back to- share this story with you. i hope that i won't disappoint ❤

_The man's ocean blue eyes were fixed onto the monitors, that were reflecting their stories into his vision, his thin lips twisted into a devilish grin as he analyzed the people behind the screen with precaution, twirling his keychains around his fingers. He made a few steps towards the counter in front of him and with a swipe of his hand he opened the two files placed next to each other , his head scanning them and all of the stolen words from their lives written on a piece of paper._

_" **9045 and 4509, who would've thought?  Two of the best candidates out of all hundred, brought together by fate,"** He mumbled to himself as he stared at the two faces, then back at the monitors, zooming in the two boys smiling at each other, surrounded by waves and sand in the fake reality room, thinking that it's only them and no one else out there.  **"Since they were meant to be, let's keep them together. The more attached they get, the easier will it be to find their true potential when they will have to become each other's enemies. Team them up for all upcoming missions."** He continued in a louder voice, commanding the last sentence with a tint of devilry in his tone._

**_"Yes, sir."_ **

 

**_➴_ **

 

Changbin never understood those who devoted their hearts to others, he never understood eternal friendships and matching accessories, confessing your love in the middle of a crowd, sneaking out to visit someone because that's how much you miss them, throwing paper airplanes with sweet messages in them, or sleeping over at someone's house because that's how much you enjoy their company. He never understood those whom daily life consisted of such things only.

He had always been told that he should never build strong bonds with the ones around him and have himself and himself only as his own priority. He was told that people shouldn't be trusted and emotions should be neglected. Those are the rules he's been following for longer than he can remember and now that he's thinking about them again, he can't quite recall having a best friend in the past or feeling the sentiment of liking someone in a fatuous way. Even while he looked in the mirror, all alone, he couldn't imagine someone else by his side, someone he'd feel something more than just a plain partnership with. Others would say it's sad, others that he's mad, others that he's heartless, yet, he likes the way things are. He doesn't need anyone to keep his mind and heart occupied. 

 

_If you don't need anyone, who's this person haunting your mind, then?_

 

His thoughts echoed throughout his whole self, his eyebrows furrowing as the image of a certain someone flickered in his head, his fingers holding tight onto his jacket's zipper, zipping it up in a rushed manner. 

After he removed the snow-like steam from upon the mirror with one of his palms, Changbin's hands fell in front of him and gripped the edge of the bathroom's sink, his front body leaning forwards with a deep sigh. He stared at his reflection for quite a while, at the shape of his face, the color of his irises, the maze of lines that were sharpening each one of his features, yet, although his glance was fixed on certain things, his mind was lost on abandoned hills. Whatever his eyes were looking at, his mind wasn't registering it. It was as if his brain and heart chose different paths, dragging him in all of the possible directions and leaving him in between two lighted alleys, in front of him a pitch black way. 

 

_"You're actually pretty cool," The brunette's deep voice said in an almost faded murmur as he opened his room's door, head turning back to look at the other. And then he broke a small smile from the corner of his mouth, his whole persona brightening the dim corridors._

_Changbin's eyes grew wide, eyebrows raising underneath his bangs and mouth becoming dry, before he washed the tiny reaction with an unphased expression that was the complete opposite of his insane heart._

 

He shook his head and splashed two handfuls of water over his face, the droplets dripping from his face and glistening back into the sink. With clumsy hands, he snatched the red towel from the hanger and sweept it with force over his face, until his skin started to heat up from the rough contact. He seriously had to get a grip of himself, _before it'd be too late_.

 

**➹**

 

Were you to look at them from afar, you'd think they were prisoners, all gathered together and walking with explosions in their feet, talking with expensive, short expressions on their tangled tongues and staring with cold-ice eyes. Were you to get a closer look at each one of them individually, you'd still see them the same way, but instead of being prisoners, you'd notice that they were imprisoned in their own selves instead.

Changbin's glance kept on moving and moving from a face to another, from a scar to another, from an empty stare to an emptier one and even these statue-like human beings, he thought, were complete opposites from each other. It was as if, someone told them to be made of stone, but even stones are different from each other. 

His eyes moved on top of his partner, Han Jisung, knowing him better than anyone else in that building, noticing a troubled look on his face, the reason for the wrinkles on his forehead being the group of men who were standing on top of a high platform in front of them all. They were thriving with dominance and power and Changbin could understand why his partner seemed so perturbed. They practically gave their lives in the hands of those men up there, like slaves. However, they didn't crave for curves, but loyalty, trust, and power. Whoever had all of those, were their golden choices. 

"Welcome everyone,"

The vociferous voice of the tallest man on the platform captured everyone's attention in a glimpse, the room silencing down, all eyes now fixed on a single individual.

"I hope you settled well and are ready for your first day and mission of the 8 - 18 - 12 Program. There will be a total of six missions throughout these three weeks. Each mission levels up in difficulty, so don't trick yourselves into thinking that things are easy and give it your all in everything you're asked to do instead. Your first mission goes by the code 618 which stands for _Friendship_. You will be divided into teams and will be given a day to get to know each other from the most obvious of things to the smallest of details. At the end of the day you'll be given a test based on one of your teammate's information and if you fail the test, _what are you honestly doing here?_ "

The man finished his speech with sarcasm in his tone, a loud 'beep' sound echoing throughout the whole place before the same robotic voice of the announcer signaled the start of their very first mission.

Changbin could already hear controversy building up, his mind clouded with confusion as he repeated the words of the man again and again in his head. He watched as ten men stepped up on the platform, holding boxes in which they had badges, following with his eyes each person that approached them and took their badge, lining up on a lower platform. From the corner of his eye, he spotted a certain brunette getting his badge and a tiny part of him prayed they wouldn't fall in the same team as he stepped forward for his own. 

With trembling hands, he took it out from the box and turned it around, finger tracing along the silver snake crafted into the metal. He went down onto the other platform and searched for the snake drawing, until he found it, right in front of the lineup where number 4509 was standing, looking at him the same way he did.

_Then they hid their emotions again._

_**➴** _

After all teams of ten have been formed, everyone split up and started to work on the strange mission they've been assigned with. Changbin's group went to the cafeteria and seated themselves at one of the tables, a slice-through silence heaving the air. It was as if someone put ten mute people together and expected them to have a conversation. 

Changbin thought it was absurd. Why would they keep on telling them to live for themselves and not create strong bonds with people and then suddenly make them become friends with complete strangers who will soon become their enemies? It didn't make sense to him. And by the look on everyone else's faces, it didn't make sense to them either.

A loud sigh echoed in the room before a hand smashed into the table with a loud thump, catching everyone by surprise. Yet, none of them even _flinched_. The person behind the commotion was a curly man who was sitting in the corner of the other side of the table, whose code was 2087 from what Changbin could see. He had strong features yet soft eyes and his hair was all over the place but it also wasn't. He wondered what was up with all of these guys and their handsome faces. They were going to serve the country not fashion magazines. 

 "They said not to question their reasons and do as they say and that's what we should do. We're a team now, so let's try and act like one. How about each one of us introduces themselves and we can all take notes?"

2087 took initiative and started the conversation, his voice determined and his eyes thrice as much, giving Changbin some hope that they wouldn't actually go down the hill like he thought they would the minute they sat down. 

"I am going to start first and then we can go clockwise, does that sound good?" He proposed, received tight nods from the 9 men, everyone looking even more tense than usually. 

Changbin could swear that all of them felt less agitated when shooting and fighting than at the moment.

"Alright then. I'm code number 2087 and my name is Bang Chan. I was born on October 3rd, 1997 in Sydney, Australia and entered this world at the age of 15. My secret passion is music and I can play various instruments. My favorite color changes everyday, today is blue,"

And just like that, everyone went and introduced themselves while the others were noting down each and every word. Everything was going pretty smoothly and there were some guys who would crack some jokes too, to which Changbin would shake his head to with a small smile.

Or at least everything was going pretty smoothly, until a certain someone changed that. 

Changbin's fingers stilled around the pen at the sound of the familiar voice, his eyes lifting slowly towards his direction, looking at number 4509 for the first time ever since they sat down. His low voice was so bold in Changbin's ears, so, strangely captivating. 

He had big gaps in-between his words and sentences, his eyes wavering from time to time. He dragged the syllables too, as if he had the whole time in the world to say what's on his mind. Changbin's glance fell from his eyes to the freckles on his cheeks, then to his moving lips, then to his jawline and then back to his eyes again, having long forgotten about the mission and his life.

_It almost felt like hypnosis._

And when he snapped out of it and saw the blank page underneath number 4509, he knew he had to _really get a grip of himself this time_.

It's strange, the way these humane feelings work. Where do they come from? Are they from the heart, or an illusion of the mind? Are they real? Or do we want them to be? Although Changbin could read people like open books, the theory of emotions was still a foggy place to him. He wondered if it was worth it, to search for a meaning in them at all.

He felt someone nudge him, giving him a wake-up-to-reality call _and he was never more thankful._

Then he introduced himself. Which was, _weird_. But he tried to keep it as professional and short as possible, doing his best to avoid the certain pair of eyes that didn't part from his face since the moment he started talking. 

 _No distractions_. He reminded himself. He kept on telling himself that even after the team meeting was over and they could leave. The two words repeated themselves in his head as he got up and made his way out of the cafeteria.

They became a mantra in his head and were doing a quite good job at distracting him, until someone had to smash the glass and grasp his jacket's sleeve with their fingers.

" **No distractions** ," The words slipped unconsciously out of his mouth when he turned around to look at the person that reached out to him. 

 _The person being the distraction itself_.

" _Sorry_ ," 4509 apologized, removing his hand as fast as possible, yet, there was a tint of amusement in his tone, which Changbin didn't like. "I was just wondering if you could, repeat the things you said at the table earlier. _I wasn't paying attention_ ," 

He continued with slight embarrassment, scratching his nape and looking down. And you know, Changbin would've loved to say something like ' _You seemed quite attentive of my face, though_ ' and he _would've_ said that, if he wouldn't have done the same thing. But, unfortunately, _he was a culprit too_.

So, what does he say? ' _Sure, but can you do the same because I wasn't paying attention either?_ ' How would _that_ sound?

Scratching his forehead, Changbin gave the boy another look before taking his own notebook out of his pocket, showing him the blank space with a cheeky smile.

"I guess we can exchange?"

He only remembered seeing Felix's smile once in the Fake Reality room. Seeing it again, outside of that room— _No distractions_.

**➹**

 "You _screamed_ ' **Vegemite is life** ' while jumping from a plane, _on a mission_?" Changbin emphasised almost each word, his eyes big and his smile wide, looking at the boy in front of him, dumbfounded. 

Felix laughed shortly and shrugged, drawing doodles on his notebook. "Why not? _The life we're living is way worse than shouting dumb things from the top of your lungs,_ " 

He stated, looking at Changbin who's smile turned into a bitter one, noting yet another thing about _Lee Felix from Australia_ in his notebook. The white blank page under number 4509 turned into 3 full pages in less than an hour and, honestly, it _scared_ Changbin. 

But he also loved it. Talking to this freckled boy. He enjoyed it more than he should. He never held a conversation longer than 15 minutes with anyone else in his entire life, but it felt as if he could talk with Felix for more than 15 _hours_.

He already found out more about him than he knows about himself. A part of him was certain that it was all for the mission, but there was also that flickering part that just _knew_ that he definitely won't need to know that _Felix can't sleep without hugging a pillow or that he takes bubblebaths when he's stressed, or that he has a second world in the video games empire_ for the mission.

But he still knew all of those and _countless more_. And what was even more frightening was that _Felix also knew just as much about him_. 

And although Changbin never understood those who devoted their hearts to others and created strong bonds, there he was, in the process of doing exactly that. Although he could never imagine anyone beside him when looking in the mirror, there he was, seeing someone else with him, _everywhere he goes._


	5. a team.

If someone would've asked Changbin ' _what's something you fear?_ ', his answer would be a deadly silence, his eyes speaking with fierceness. However, deep inside of him thousands of tiny, malfunctioning gadgets, would already be making hurricanes in his head. He believed that humans could cover their fears underneath the heavy sand of the ocean, but he never believed that there was a single human being that didn't fear at least one thing. 

Changbin feared many things. He could admit that to himself and he did not believe it was a shame, it was just, in everyone's blood, as cold as it may be.

And, as he was sitting at the single desk, in a small cubicle room, with a piece of paper in front of him, on which was written the name ' _Lee Felix_ ', he felt a certain fear build up on the top of his lungs.

After a long day of swallowing information about strangers, like water in the desert, he was finally facing the real deal. He didn't know if he should consider himself lucky that the person he had to write about was the one he knew the best out of them all, or if he should worry about the fact that he knew even more about that person than he's supposed to know.

It was a trippy situation in his brain and he was always thankful for the years he spent on learning how to part the fogginess of his mind from his actual conscience. It helped him on concentrating on his tasks despite the mess that's taking place in his head. He could write down dozens of bits of knowledge while his thoughts were having a mental breakdown. 

**_10\. What kind of feelings did you develop while conversing with this partner?_ **

One of the questions said, stilling Changbin's pace as he reread it a few times. The clouds from above his head became rain and clashed with his consciousness as he started _feeling_ through his stoned body. It was a warm feeling, compared to his cold hands. 

 _They told us that development of positive feelings towards an opponent are forbidden, so why do they impulse them on us now?_ He thought, trying to avoid the sudden change in his heart after he read the question again and one more time. 

With a slight tremble in his fingers, he gripped the pen and started writing.

_**I didn't develop any particular feelings for this or any other partner.** _

Something felt _wrong._ He didn't think about it. He just kept on answering each question almost robotically, until the last question was the only one left. 

_**30\. Did your mind change on the idea of 'bonds in-between people being forbidden' after getting to know this individual?** _

And he stilled again. _Did it?_ He bit the inside of his cheek, scratched the pen with his nails, ran a look through his thoughts and got to the conclusion that he hated them all. _Especially_ the one that told him that _he'd be more than fine with creating a bond with that certain individual_. And _only_ him. It was an _absurd_ thought, but _it was everywhere_.

_**No individual has the power or the right to change my mind. Therefore, my answer is: NO.** _

Was his final answer and although it wasn't his first choice and the pure truth, it _wasn't_ a lie. _It's not a lie_. He repeated in his head as he placed the pen down and the sound of the room's door unlocking clicked through the small space.

**※**

After the test Changbin didn't even blink or wait a second after he left the room and rushed to his dorm, trying to not look as alarmed as his thoughts. The real reason hidden behind his rush, though, was the fact that he didn't want to encounter a certain someone. It was childish, he knew, but sometimes running away is not that bad of an idea.

The thing was, he didn't know what was he exactly running away from. 

But he knew that whatever it was, it made him more anxious than the whole program itself. He wasn't even that anxious about the program. He was confident enough to know that he would definitely end up in the last four. However, he didn't feel half as confident with his feelings around Felix. And, that, honestly, gave him a taste of anxiety.

And, as he was sitting on the balcony, thinking, he realized that he's never actually thought about things like these. He's never had someone else roam through his mind like this before. 

When he turned his head to glance at that someone's balcony only to see it empty, he realized that he's also never looked for someone and found himself disappointed when they were not found where he wanted them to be. 

And when he went to sleep, wondering whether that someone else was deep asleep already, he also realized that he's never had those kinds of thoughts before. 

" _No distractions_ ,"

He whispered to himself, before he closed his eyes, exhaling deeply.

**※**

**You never understand the heaviness of a situation until you stumble onto its consequences.** Those were some words a wise man told Changbin once and he hasn't forgotten them ever since. He was reminded of them when he woke up and went to the first floor for his test results, only to find the place already emptier. In comparison with the day before, one could never believe that 100 men stood here before. He couldn't believe that more than 40 were incompetent enough to not be able to complete such simple task. 

Changbin, of course, passed. However, in all strangeness, himself wasn't the first person that came to his mind when he thought of the test results. He's been trying to be as discreet as possible while looking for a certain brunette around the giant room, turning around slowly to analyze each corner. Yet, his plan failed right away because of exactly _that_ certain brunette, who, as if summoned, was just behind Changbin, checking his test results. 

And in more strangeness, he felt _giddy_ inside when he confirmed the fact that, 4509 passed too.

"Congrats, mate." The low voice addressed to him out of nowhere, patting his shoulder. "Who did ya have to write about?" He asked when all he could get from Changbin was a nod, and if it were anyone else, he would've left a long time ago. But, it's _Felix_.

He thought about whether he should answer, but he found himself looking in the boy's anticipating eyes and there was _something_ in him that just _couldn't resist._

So, as their eyes met, Changbin said:

" **You** ,"

And although his answer was short and simple, his glance said way more than that and he prayed that the boy in front of him couldn't see or read any of those. 

"Who did you have to write about?" Changbin asked him back when he saw the boy's eyes lit up, his mouth softening into a smile at the question.

 

 

 

**"You,"**

 

4509 said as he stared right into Changbin's eyes, the short moment triggering his insides. If you looked carefully, you could see a twitch of surprise through his usual stone cold expression.

 _No distractions_ , he thought to himself for the millionth time before the robotic voice of the announcer ordered all teams to line up in front of the platform, interrupting the _whatever kind of game_ the two were secretly playing.

And as men after men were gathering all close to each other, if you were to look at them from afar again, you would still see an ocean of unmovable stones with ocean deep secrets. However, you could also see, through small gaps, one whispering something to the other, both of them snickering at that something he said. Or one elbowing the other, who would elbow him back, both holding back smiles.

It was impressive, Changbin thought. _Bad impressive_. He could bet that most of those will go down the hill in the last missions. He wondered whether he looked the same to them when he was sitting with number 4509. Did he look unprofessional and not serious about all of this too? _Probably_. But none of it was intentional. Which, _was either better or worse_.

He gave one last look to the mentioned boy, who turned his head abruptly when his eyes landed on him, his face expressionless as he looked in front of him.

 

 

 

_"Glad to see you here, survivors. If you thought the previous mission was difficult, you may find your way out of here from this moment on, just like those failures that walked out of here today. For the rest of you, I am going to announce the second mission of the week,"_

 

The bald, fierce man said in a loud, strong tone, his eyes locking with Changbin's for a split of a second before he turned away, going back to his speech.

 

 

 

_"This time forget about the papers and elementary school stuff. It's time for the real game to start. This mission revolves around the term 'team' . If I were to ask each one of you individually what a team is, the most of you would say that it's a group of people who work together. That's not entirely wrong. However, you were taught that each member of a team is an individual. Here, you will learn how to be_ **_one_ ** _as a team,"_

 

 

 

 

There were some whispers going around and Changbin's thoughts were already battling with controversies.

 

 

 

 

" _Your mission is going to take place in the mountains and what you'll have to do is find some inscribed codes hidden in different spots all over the hunting area,_ ** _as a team_** _. The first 6 teams to complete the mission, pass. The last team, as a whole, will be eliminated. You have two days to prepare yourselves, see you all here on Monday at sharp 4 o'clock in the morning,"_

 

Changbin ignored the waves of thoughts drowning his mind for the rest of that day. They kept on pushing to the shore, tempting him, but the more he questions every single thing they have to do, the less ready can he be for what's ahead of him.

He went through harsher times.

He decided to concentrate on the actual mission and on avoiding certain _distractions_.

For the rest two days his mind and actions went on automatic mode, his routine a rewind of waking up, eating, training with his teammates, training alone, eating again, training with his teammates and then alone again and at the end of all of those, taking a shower and going to sleep. No more late night balcony thinking sessions, no more chitchats and breaks, no more distractions.

There was a part of him who wanted to break free from the thick walls surrounding him, but his determination was bigger than anything else, even himself. He was also glad that no one stepped in his way and minded their own business. He didn't want wrong pieces of puzzles messing with his perfectly selected ones. 

However, he wasn't blind, nor deaf. He could see wherever a certain freckled boy looked at him from afar and could hear when he'd try to make a step closer to him or say half a 'hi'. He did notice all of those small attempts, which faded more and more as the hours passed and at the end of the second day, all he was left with was the feeling of those big eyes on him from somewhere else in the room.

 

 

 

_Honestly_ , he didn't know what exactly he was running away from. But he knew that it wasn't good for him. And Changbin knew himself and what was good and bad for him best.

  
**※**

 

The dim sky was playing with tints, sometimes lighter, sometimes darker, the flickering light of the already leaving moon passing through the, small, bus windows. The roads were empty and kept on getting emptier as they were getting closer and closer to the mountains. The view was astonishing, the colors, although not easily distinguished yet, were beautiful and it was all _real_. It wasn't a virtual world or a fake reality, it was _nature_. 

The time was exactly 5 AM when Changbin checked his electronic watch, before his glance went back to following the endless stories of unknown roads and places. He needed something to steal his attention from the people in his surroundings and remove the stiffness from his body caused by them. And if he were to describe those  _people more_  specifically, he'd say 'the person sleeping peacefully on the seat beside him, with their head inches close to Changbin's shoulder' instead. 

But he didn't even want to _think_ about it.

He's been holding himself back from looking at the boy for over 20 minutes and it was _ridiculous_ , he could say the least. 

But, as ridiculous as it was, he was quite proud of himself for not snapping all of this time. The closer they were the more it tempted him to _look, touch, wander_ and it was _bad_. _Bad for him_. _Bad for both of them_. So, he should congratulate himself for not making any rushed decisions, like, _placing the boy's head on his shoulder, brushing his hair from his sweaty forehead, staring at him for longer than he would be able to recall —_

_**Holy shit what's happening to me?** _

— He interrupted his own thoughts when he felt his chest starting to become heavy, taking in a deep breath.

Breath which stopped in his throat and hitched when he felt Felix's head fall on his shoulder, his eyes widening at the sudden barrier brake in-between the two of them. Changbin didn't dare to look down, trying to keep himself calm and mind his own business just like a few moments ago.

 _He wished it was as easy as it sounded in his head_. 

He could feel everything. The weight of the younger's head on him, the strands of hair tickling the skin on his neck, his warm, slow, breaths, the lift and drop of his shoulders whenever he'd breathe in and out. Everything. He couldn't even hear those from himself anymore, it was all about 4509. He tried to distract himself by looking out the window, but his eyes fell right upon their reflection in the glass. If you were to ask a smaller part of Changbin's heart about what was going on inside of it, it'd tell you that it was going in a crisis and that it would've pumped all of its blood in his cheeks if he weren't so good at hiding his emotions. 

He didn't even dare to turn his head and look around to see if anyone saw their state, petrified with his glance blank and unsteady heart.

As the time passed and they were getting closer and closer to the destination, Changbin's body became more and more stiff and his feelings colder and colder as he tried to numb them out. And even after all of those ice cubes he fed his senses with, he still wondered whether he should wake the boy up, who was still sleeping on top of his shoulder as if it were the most comfortable pillow in the world. And after twenty minutes of not even flinching, he finally turned his head and looked down at him, trying to keep the wary in his eyes somewhere far away behind his emotions. His fingers felt itchy, the temptation to remove the strands of hair falling on the boy's face growing the more he stared.

With doubt, he reached his hand out, folding his fingers when his mind kept on changing decisions, then unfolding them again when his fingertips were inches away from the other's face. He almost touched the brunette strand of hair, when the bus bumped into something and that was all he needed for the trance he fell in to break and also wake the other up from his sleep. Changbin retreated his hand as fast as he could and glanced back at the window, not daring to see Felix's reaction, only hearing a low ' **Sorry** ' from him and feeling the sudden coldness that surrounded his shoulder.

_He was in deep shit._

 

  
**※**

  
Trees, branches and stones and shades of green and gray were engulfing them. The sky seemed furious, big, intimidating dark clouds not leaving a single hue of blue and sunlight pass through them. And the men parted in teams were not any different from those clouds, their expressions null and their bodies and minds ready to face any type of challenge coming their way. However, none of them looked as if they were part of a team, not even he, himself looked like he was a part of a team. In contrary, he was sitting all alone, far away from the others. Ever since they got off the bus, he's been doing his best at avoiding a certain member of the team, which resulted in him walking away from others too. Was his fear of that something unknown truly bigger than his devotion? He really couldn't accept that.

So, after a bit more battling with his thoughts, he stepped up, patted his mates on the shoulder, exchanged some ideas, made some plans and simultaneously succeeded in not having any kind of contact with 4509. Not a single fear should get in his path, especially not one he's not even sure of. He's been fighting with his wrecked mind ever since he met the boy and had enough of it.

**Although he would never admit that, in fact, he wanted more.**

"Welcome, participants," The robotic voice echoed through the mountains, silencing everyone down as their attention fixed towards the way the voice came from. "The rules are simple. There's a path lead by red flags which all of you should follow. Your mission is to find the inscribed codes placed everywhere in the given area. The codes are 33 in total. The first team to gather all of them and get to the finish line will be the winning team and each member will have the privilege to eliminate someone of their will, or steal someone from the other teams. The race will start once you hear a gunshot. Good luck,"

Were her last words before everything went silent, everyone waiting in agony for the signal. And once the gun was shot and scared birds flew away from their trees, the fight began. Running like freed bulls, the teams started their hunt, most of them forgetting about their teams and the whole purpose of this mission. The Cobras were different, all gathered together and walking synchronically, their leader, Bang Chan directing them all. Changbin touched his snake badge proudly as he looked around and examined their surroundings to the tiniest bit. He didn't know what exactly he was looking for, but he knew it wouldn't be to the open eye like that. They must be hidden underneath something.

"Dust away the trees and stones and dig to the roots, also climb high into the trees and use your flashlights to check the holes,"

He voiced his thoughts out to the others, Chan giving him a nod and signaling the others to start the search, splitting everyone into teams of two. It was pure coincidence that Changbin got paired up with the one and only Lee Felix. He tried to be okay with that. _He was okay with that_.

"I saw a river not too far away from here, I have a feeling they hid one in its waters," The said boy spoke and looked for that sign of approval on the other's face.

It's been the first time in two days they found themselves so close, their eyes meeting again.

Changbin swallowed the lump in his throat and hummed, turning away and starting to run towards the mentioned place. He was just concentrated on the mission, not flustered at all. And the reason for his sped up heartbeat was definitely caused by running. Nothing else. He was _so not okay_ with being on the same team with 4509.

"9045!" He heard his name being shouted, his feet stomping as he searched for the source, only to notice the boy from his thoughts beside the river. "You search there and I will start from here! Meet me at that red tinted stone from the end of the flow!" His voice echoed loudly and sharply and he hated himself for thinking of the way the boy's deep voice contrasted with everything around them so powerfully, instead of finding the goddamn codes.

No more distractions.

Felix was right. They did hide some codes in and around the river, Changbin having gathered around 5 already, noticing that his teammates weren't doing any worse. In fact, better. He hasn't seen 4509 at all, though. He even waited at the red stone for a few minutes, but losing time wasn't a part of his plans so he decided to leave. They were experienced people, no need to worry about each other. He continued his search and when he couldn't find any more than 7, he approached his team that was gathered in a spot close to the finish line. Chan scanned all of the codes into his device, which counted them, his eyebrows almost touching each other when the result appeared on the screen.

"We're missing 3 codes, is everyone here?"

He asked, squinting his eyes to search their faces. Changbin did it too, but compared to Chan, he knew right away who was missing. And he didn't even think twice before he spoke up.

"It's 4509. He was with me but we split up at some point. I think that I know where he might be, though. You guys go to the finish line, from what I can recall he already had at least 2 codes when we started. I will bring him back as fast as I can, I promise,"

He spoke with confidence, their leader not even getting to nod his head fully before he was gone, running as if his life depended on it. And funnily, it did. As he ran, he could feel the first droplets of rain hitting his skin and the sky becoming even more angry than before. By the time he got to the river the rain became a storm and the water was flowing like crazy, the strong wind demolishing everything in its way. Through almost closed eyes because of the rain heaving his eyelashes, he tried to find the familiar frame, shouting his name from time to time. He felt a strange, edgy feeling building up in him the more he looked and found nothing.

Pushing his wet hair back, he stopped, breathing heavily. Concentrate. His subconscious told him in a stern voice. Close your eyes and listen. And that's exactly what he did. He calmed himself down and listened. Listened to the heavy rain kissing the river waves, to the whistle of the wind dancing with the trees, to voices tangling with each other and through all of that, from somewhere he couldn't distinguish, there it was, the sound he was looking for. 'Hey! Someone!' the low voice shouted, the sound almost muffled. He repeated himself again and again until Changbin's eyes snapped open, realizing where the voice was coming from.

Giving the deep water an anxious look, he tightened his fists and ran inside, ran until he was swimming, screaming the other's name while choking on water. Everything was happening too fast. But he needed it to happen even faster. So he pushed himself, he swam so fast that his arms and back went numb, until he could finally see the shape of someone through blurred vision. It was him. And he had his arm stuck in-between two rocks, his head floating under then above the water as he shouted Changbin's name.

With erratic breathing, he finally got to him and spent the shortest amount of time to make sure that he was there and alive.

 

"Listen to me," He said loudly, water filling his mouth, making him choke. "I am going to go underneath and lift you up and you have to try your best and take your hand out, we don't care if it comes out broken or in half, the important thing is that we actually get out of here, got it?!" He continued, staring at the other deadly in the eyes, being grateful for the fact that he didn't have anything to say except of nodding sharply. To be honest, he wasn't ready for what was coming next. "I am going under!"

And that was the last thing he said before he disappeared into the strong water, barely seeing anything. He tried to find the stones and once he stepped on one of them, he hugged Felix's legs and put all of him into lifting him up. He was almost out of air. He felt his lungs tightening and his head aching, his arms less powerful the more he waited. He forced his grip around the other, whom he couldn't hear nor see. He couldn't feel himself anymore and without understanding anything, he inhaled through his nose, his arms dropping and body trying to reach the surface as the water filled his insides. He heard someone shouting outside the water, seconds before he felt two arms grabbing him and dragging him up, placing an arm around his shoulders as he lead both of them somewhere. Changbin tried to inhale as much air as possible, still coughing uncontrollably and even when he felt himself touching ground, he still couldn't come back to his senses.

He felt two small hands pushing onto his chest, seeing through blurred vision a beautiful face. He always thought he was beautiful. Even when his hair was wet and messy and he was screaming in his face with tears filling his eyes. He smiled, coughing one more time before he fully opened his eyes and stared at Felix fondly, who didn't notice that he was fine.

**"Do you really worry?"**

He asked him in an almost broken voice, freezing the panicked boy. And he finally found out what was that edgy feeling. It was worry, worry for someone you care about. And although Changbin hated it, he loved seeing it in the other's features and actions too. It made him, strangely happy.

**"We're a team."**

  
And although that wasn't the answer he was expecting, he still grinned at the way the younger's voice trembled and the way he punched his arm playfully, cursing him for not telling him that he was fine earlier. Changbin teased him for being a crybaby and, if he were to think about it, they were a team. It was a different type of team, but he loved it.

 

**※**

 

And they might've not won the mission, but second place was good enough as long as they were together and alive. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you guys enjoyed this ~  
> updates are going to officially be posted on mondays from now on!


	6. blinded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DIDN'T PROOFREAD THIS SO I APOLOGIZE BEFOREHAND BUT- BEWARE OF THE ANGST EGKJNRH

**"Your next mission is called 'trust and responsability'. You'll be paired up with someone from your team and go through a variety of tests which will take place in the virtual reality room. Each team will have a person that is going to possess a certain disability and one that is going to guide the both of the two through whatever obstacles there will be in the way. The tests aren't compared to anything you've faced until now and if you couldn't bother to gain a more depthful bond with your teammates until this moment, you have no choice now but to learn how to trust each other, in matter to make it both alive. Just like the previous time, you've got two days to prepare yourselves. In matter to find the pairs, check the small light on your badges. Once we turn them on they'll shine with a color. The person whose color is the same as yours, is automatically your partner,"**

**⚑**

A few years ago, Changbin read a book called ' _The Blind Man Who Never Crossed The Street_ '. The story is about this blind boy, who grew up learning how to fight against the harsh world without having the ability to see. He went through countless of hard times, some that almost ended his life and others that could've ended someone else's life. However, there was _one thing_ he couldn't do. And that was, crossing the street. _Sounds easy, right?_ It's just a street. But for him, it was his biggest fear. Every time he had to cross a street, he'd always wait for someone to be close to him so he can stick to them, and even then, his feet would be trembling like crazy and his heart would be going mad. But, _he did cross it_. So, Changbin always wondered as to why is the title of the book stating the exact opposite, when he clearly crossed it several times. _He just couldn't grasp it_.

Today, as he's sitting with his legs hanging out of the balcony's bars, meters away from the ground and thinking about it all over again, _he gets it now_. And it is, in fact, _true_. That the blind man never crossed the street. He lost his sight midway through the walk towards the other side and from that moment on, no matter how many times he did it, he was still locked up in the cage his memories built up in him. Every time he'd reach in the middle of the street, he'd feel it again, as if everything stopped and he lost everything. He became numb and could never record the process of him actually making it to the end of the street. His body might've moved, but his feelings, thoughts and everything insane inside of him didn't even flinch. Changbin found it fascinating. _Messed up_ , but fascinating. 

And as he looked at the trees and the sky and the buildings sneaking through the tiny gaps in-between leaves, he wondered whether everyone had a little  _Blind Man Who Never Crossed The Street_ inside of them. Did he, himself have one? Did the brunette freckled boy who was staring at him from his own balcony have one? He assumed that everyone had, has or will have one at some point in life. It's, unfortunately something inevitable. Their lives may begin with one, they may live with one or end their life because of that one and it was mindblowing how a turbulence of the brain can knock out someone's breath out of their lungs. 

After the second mission and the announcement on the third one, his mind has been in a dilemma, roaming again with all kinds of thoughts and ideas. He wondered how did the 4509 boy manage to seem so calm about everything. He was just slurping on his noodles and looking completely innocent and unbothered, while Changbin was basically being haunted nosy demons created by his dark imagination. _Especially_ after the reveal of their next mission, shouldn't the boy look at least a tad bit troubled? He knows that all of them are supposed to wear their cold, stone masks, but once they're alone and in a safer place, shouldn't their masks soften and shoulders relax? He's only seen a different side of Felix two times. One time in the fake reality room, where they first met and the second time when he was drowning and shouting for help while choking on water. Except for those two times, he could never guess what was going on in his head. He always seemed so, neutral. One moment warm like a cup of hot tea in cold hands and the other one unreadable, like a book written in an extraterrestrial language. 

It struck Changbin's interest. And for their upcoming mission, he _had_ to find a way to get into his mind. He can't guide him through mortal obstacles and become one body with him without knowing what he's thinking. He can't guess what he feels like if he doesn't _understand_ him first.

Sighing, he glanced back at the mentioned boy, only to notice that he _disappeared_. Changbin frowned, squinting his eyes to assure himself that he was really gone, realizing how dangerous getting lost in your thoughts can be considering he couldn't even notice when the boy left. And apparently he didn't notice when the other threw a note at him either, picking up the yellow, folded piece of paper from beside him and opening it, even more confused. **"I'm coming to your room, open the door."** The small, but precise message said, shaking Changbin away the slightest bit, his confusion becoming bolder. 

He folded the note and slowly untangled himself from the bars, getting up and walking towards the door to check whether there was an actual Lee Felix waiting behind it. And, as he looked through the peephole and felt a minuscule twitch in his heart when the constellations on the boy's cheeks appeared in his sight through the fish-eye lens. There _was_ an actual Lee Felix behind the door. 

So he opened it for him, his full shape appearing in Changbin's sight. He was wearing a black shirt and grey sweatpants, that looked very similar to the ones Changbin was wearing, to which he wore a white shirt instead. His hair was messy and his eyes seemed a bit tired, the scar on his cheek standing out again as his eyes trailed down to his hands, in which he was holding _two_ bowls of noodles. 

"Your stare almost burnt through my bowl earlier, _so_ , you hungry?"

4509 said with a small smile as he raised the two bowls higher. And, _how could Changbin say no to that?_ _To food_. Say no to food, _definitely not to Felix's smile and gestures._

And just like that, the both of them seated themselves on Changbin's balcony floor, tangling their feet in-between the bars and having short, sweet conversations while slurping on already cold noodles. And, it was, _great_. It felt just right and removed all of the worries the two had for everything that was surrounding them and they also knew, for a reason, that they could trust each other no matter what may lay behind their perplexing expressions. 

 

**⚐**

 

The empty, gigantic room seemed more intimidating than all of the other times he's seen it before and he was waiting in agony for the start signal, just to see it change completely and cut his feet off. He wasn't scared. _He was terrified_. He was afraid of the upcoming and as he turned his head to steal a glance at the boy beside him, _he knew why_. And in that moment, the urge to hold onto Felix's hand was dragging his nerves and muscles back and forth, making his mind a fuss. He wanted to hold his hand and apologize for anything bad that may occur in the next few hours and thank him for the trust he's about to give him. He sounded weak, but, he's never been with someone. He's never been responsible for someone else. And he's never been the slightest bit attached to someone. So, sitting in the middle of a room that looked like nowhere, waiting to fall in a diphole where he'll have to take full responsability of someone else's life, someone who he cares about, seemed like the scariest thing he's ever gone through. 

He almost flinched when he felt the boy's hand on his shoulder, keeping his expression stoned as he looked at him, noticing the tiniest of smile curving onto Felix's lips, before they went into a straight line again. It was the droplet of hope Changbin needed to put himself back together, lifting his hand to put it over Felix's. They closed their eyes and listened to the loud countdown and when the signal beeped through the building, their eyes opened. 

 

_Do you know those moments when, you suddenly can't breathe?_

 

That's what it felt like when Changbin opened his eyes to the insane sight in front of him.

 

He was on the top of a stone, so high up he could swear that if he climbed up a bit more he'd be able to touch the clouds. Beneath him, far away, was burning lava, which was exploding in bubbles almost every second and in front of him was a long wire, which lead to another side, where a door was awaiting for him. And, for a moment, he thought that he was dreaming, or that, all of this was a joke. He swallowed as he looked down once again, before glancing at the almost forgotten boy beside him, whose hand was still on his shoulder, but his face wasn't expressionless anymore.

 

"Felix?"

 

Changbin tried, so he could try and figure out what the boy's disability was, noticing him tremble. He also kept on frowning, eyes opening and closing constantly. 

 

"I- Changbin?" He asked, stuttering, hands starting to search abruptly all over the other's body. He's never seen the boy this agitated, not even when he was almost drowning. His fingers reached Changbin's face and traced every single spot, his breathing erratic. "I can't see,"

He whispered after he stilled completely, as if someone pressed a button and paused him. And at the sound of those words, Changbin felt his heart drop in his stomach and a thick lump forming in his throat. He didn't really know how to react. The situation seemed way too, unreal. It didn't make sense. 

 

 _He had to lead a blind man while walking on top of a wire above an ocean of lava and survive_. Only the sound of that was already insane. And he was even more insane, despite being completely terrified of the idea, for not thinking even _once_ of giving up. It just, wasn't in his blood. So, with a sigh, he placed his hands on top of Felix's shaky ones and removed them from his face, placing his own hand behind the other's neck. The tenseness in Felix's body gave in to the strong touch. 

 

"Listen to me," Changbin said in the bravest tone he could gain, tightening his grip on the boy's neck. "Just close your eyes and don't think of what you can see or can't, or of whatever is out there, surrounding you. Focus on the fact that, you have me. And I am going to lead you throughout whatever is out there surrounding you, so you have to trust me no matter what," He continued, even more sternly, noticing Felix nodding slowly. "You'll also have to hold tight onto me, because we'll have to walk on top of a wire. We've both done that before, dozens of times, imagine it as part of your daily training, but, this time, you're blindfolded and your coach, or a friend, is leading you through it all,"

He softened his voice through the last sentence, feeling the other's body less and less tense. 

 

"Also, we deserve to be in the last 4. We can't give up when it's only the beginning. Both of us deserve to be in that team, together. And whatever cold-face, strong-mind, badass character we try to hold onto, throw that shit away and just, walk on top of the last moments of your life, with confidence. It's okay to feel pressured, but you can definitely prove them and yourself that, a bit of pressure can't tear you down. It can't tear us down. So, we're going to hold each other and become the lava underneath us, burning every single challenge that taunts us. Alright?" 

 

Changbin said, almost breathless when he finished, waiting for any sign from Felix, feeling his hand tighten around Changbin's, the one that wasn't behind his neck. 

 

"I trust you, Seo Changbin,"

 

Were the words he decided to let out, both of them smiling before darkness laid upon their whole personas. Were they ready? _Hell no_. Were they going to do this no matter what happens? _Hell yes._  

 

_**"Do you really think they're going to make it?"  The short, blonde man  asked as he watched the two boys on the monitor, feeling himself tremble only at the sight of the burning lava and the height they were at. Out of all the given missions, theirs was the hardest and he was sure that none of that was a coincidence.** _

_**"Don't underestimate them," His boss murmured while watching the screen closely, tapping his fingers on the metallic table as number 9045  made the first step on top of the wire. The two men watched with curiosity and agony the way his feet melted the moment his whole balance was standing on top of a thin line.** _

_**He stood still until he found the courage to straighten his knees and stand confidently, reaching his hand out to grab the other's, directing him throughtfully, breath by breath, inch by inch, thought by thought, until number 4509  was also stepping with one foot onto the wire, shaking even more than the other one. The shorter boy kept on encouraging him, telling him things that didn't even have to do with their mission, just to keep him calm. And, surprisingly, it worked, because second by second, the boy seemed more and more confident while stepping his second foot on the wire and slowly, standing up with his legs straight.** _

_**And that was only the beginning.** _

 

"Now, Felix, I'll keep a count that I want you to follow the best you can. The count will match with my steps. I will start with my left foot and count steadily. You have to tell me whenever you want us to stop and I will tell you whenever I will stop too. Also, no abrubt moves. From now on, there's no other way out of here than getting to the other side. Unless you want to go home. Got it?"

And so, they started. 

 

**" _1,2. 1,2." The bald man counted in unison with number 9504, eyes squitning at their slightest of moves, hearing the short, blonde man beside him hitching his breath occasionally. He kept on counting until the pair were already in the middle, not too far away from turning back, but also closer to reaching their goal. Their determination and cooperation was incredible. He's never seen such a compatible pair in years, together, they seemed invincible._**

**_So invincible, that, even when Seo Changbin lost the count and almost turned everything into a tragedy when his legs went weak, Lee Felix, who was blind, held him tight enough to bring everything back to how it was in the span of milliseconds. When one of them thought that everything was on the verge of ending, the other one reminded him that he wasn't alone. And that, no matter whatever disability he has, he'd crush them all to keep each other safe. The short moment, was like a promise, a reassurance that despite how many times he may lose his balance or the count, that won't bother them, because they're together._ **

**_And with that count of a steady then unsteady one and two, they made it._ **

**_They really did._ **

**_"Holy shit,"_ **

**_The blonde man thought outloud when he saw the two boys stepping on ground and falling down, still holding tightly onto each other, laughing breathlessly. He thought that they weren't capable, that it was impossible, that such mission could only be done by people with supernatural powers. However, those two didn't need any of that, because, as cliche as it might slound, they have each other._ **

 

_And when Changbin opened his eyes and found himself and Felix safe and sound, kneeled down onto the white floor of the virtual reality's room, he's never felt happier. Intertwining his fingers with Felix's he hugged him close and hoped that the moment he'll have to let go would never come._

 

 

 


	7. trust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please don't kill me i know i'm late but...i hope this pays off ❤

The small light bulb that was red the whole time flickered into a bright green, unlocking the virtual reality room's door. Yet, none of them reached out to push it, actually, they didn't even budge. Both boys were standing still in front of it, staring at the white object and the glimmery light as if they encountered a miracle, something a human's eye has never seen before. And Changbin wondered whether they were thinking of the same thing and feeling the same storm of strange emotions that enraged in them. He couldn't even _look_ at Felix, afraid of being thrown down by an even stronger wave of feelings. He clutched his fists and heaved a breath, being the first to reach for the door's handler and awake himself as well as the boy beside him from whatever trance they got themselves into. Changbin was also the first one to exit the room, a different kind of air filling his lungs the moment he found himself in the large hallway of the building. 

 

He glanced around and made eye contact with a few guys who also passed their missions and were heading back to their dorms, then stared at the doors which still had a red light on them, some still flickering and others having ceased from doing so. _The competition was getting tighter and tighter with each mission_. If they were 70 from 100 a few hours ago, they were a maximum of 40 after the last mission. And although he's never had a single doubt about himself throughout each task, he still felt relieved that he was a part of those 40. That he and Felix were a part of those 40, because, as much as he dislikes the thought, he couldn't have gotten this far if the freckled boy weren't his partner. They had this weird connection and he was dying to know whether it was only them or if creating this type of strong bond was what this whole programme was aiming at. 

 

" _Let's go_ ," Felix's voice hushed all of his thoughts, feeling the brunette's arm wrapping around his shoulders, the sudden action surprising Changbin, making his eyes widen and glance at the other, whose lips broke into a small, reassuring smile the moment their glances locked. 

 

And at that moment, he felt as if a giant, catastrophic meteor fell on top of him and demolished every single protective wall he built around himself for the past years, exploding right over his caged heart and breaking the iced box surrounding it, letting an indescribable typhoon of warmth find its home inside of it. His expressionless face became a painter's color palette as he smiled, widely and beautifully, wrapping his arm around Felix's waist and shifting his eyes away from the boy. He's never felt as carefree as in that short moment. He felt as if they were a part of those unrealistic movies in which the main leads walk away from their problematic lives and build themselves an expected happy ending with the promise that ' _they'll always be together_ '. And, that's what they also looked like, walking almost glued to each other, faces made of smiles. 

 

However, the moment they stepped inside the elevator, something changed in the air. Perhaps it was because everything silenced down all of the sudden and brought them the realization that they were completely alone and getting closer to not even having each other near. Whatever it was, it made their smiles slowly drop into faint ones as they stared at the ground, behind them the breathtaking sight of the fake reality's room. Felix's glance moved onto Changbin, feeling suddenly as if someone grabbed his breath and captured it inside of a tiny place where it had nowhere to go. The thought that in a few minutes he won't be able to be close to him anymore crossed his mind, making endless circles until it found the way and entered his mouth.

 

"Hey," He almost mumbled, getting the other's attention, who responded with a 'Hm?'. He contemplated whether he should say what his mad mind was making him to, until he said it. " **Do you want to stay in my dorm tonight?** " 

 

And well, that must've sounded as crazy to Changbin as it did to him, because the second he finished the sentence, the shorter boy's pupils widened and his head turned to the side so fast, he thought it'd break. The hasty action made their foreheads touch, their eyes at the same level and the tips of their noses almost touching. And time just, _stopped_. None of them had any control of it or themselves anymore, their heartbeats reaching their heads and their thoughts getting tangled and drowning in clouds of fog. They searched each other's eyes, none of them daring to lower their glances as they tried to escape the sudden hypnosis that stole their personas. 

 

**'You've arrived on your floor. Please remove your ID card'**

 

**☽**

 

The air felt heavy as both of them entered Felix's room and if usually Changbin's mind is traveling around philosophies and life, he can't find it at the moment. He's still shaken by the other's proposal and even more surprised with himself for accepting it, finding himself, at 11 PM, with the person who's been putting his feelings on a rollercoaster ever since they met, about to spend the rest of the night with him. He honestly had _no idea_ what was happening and he was pretty sure Felix was just as confused as him. He just decided to go along with the flow of the situation and not think too much for once in his life, closing the door behind them and clearing his throat synchronically with Felix. 

"Do you want to go and _sleep_ on the balcony or here?" The younger asked in a rush, noticing the slight frown forming on Changbin's forehead before figuring out what he said, starting to stutter as his cheeks were getting redder and redder. "I mean, do you want to sit, sit not sleep, you know, like, hang out, not sleep-" He rambled and rambled until Changbin's giggle cut him off, the soft sound he never even imagined the older could form melting all of his words away. 

"I prefer staying in," The calmer boy said as he took his shoes off and plumped on the other's bed, falling backward. "It's more comfortable," He continued in a mumble, eyes closed and arms spread out, already finding his inner peace through the silence and the warmth of the atmosphere. He felt like a completely different person, so, _free_. He felt like what they call it a, _teenager_.

After a short moment of silence mixed with slow breaths, he felt the mattress deepen beside him, something heavy pressing onto his arm, soft strands of hair touching his skin. He opened his heavy eyelids and turned his head to look at the person who lay next to him, being met by the gorgeous side-profile of one of the most ethereal guys he's ever seen. The moonlight was kissing his scattered freckles and forming shadows on the other half of his face, making him look like a painting. For some reason, Changbin wasn't afraid of the intensity of feelings when in the dark. It was as if the universe could protect him from anything and anyone whenever the night would fall over the city. 

With a bit of restraint, he shifted closer to Felix and kept on looking at him, eyes tracing down every single detail of his face and fixing onto the deep scar on his cheek, that he's been wanting to find out about ever since the day they were still strangers to each other. And with a little bit more of tremble in his hands, he lifted his arm and barely touched the wound with his cold fingers, feeling the boy flinch underneath the unexpected graze. 

"How did you get this?"

Changbin asked in a murmur, still feverishly touching the wound. He felt Felix sigh, hearing him shift before he found the boy facing him, his hand moving away the older's fingers from the scar and subtly placing his own palm onto the other's, their eyes meeting once again. 

"This jerk I was competing with went against the rules and used a knife in the preliminary fight and cut my cheek," 

Felix said with a certain bitterness in his tone, which brought Changbin's eyebrows together, trying to search through the mess of sentiments wilding through the younger's pupils. 

"Why would he do that if he knew he'd get eliminated?"

A dead silence embraced the little space in-between the two of them after Changbin's question, Felix's glance falling down onto the bed sheets. 

"We were best mates and entered this 'world' together. I was 14 and he was 18, so it felt as if he was an older brother to me, it felt safer to have him around and he seemed to also have so much more knowledge than I did. He used to take care of me, protect me from the older guys and helped me train too, he was so friendly and kind to me," Felix smiled through his story, smile which dropped in a matter of seconds. "However, as the time passed I was becoming better and better, the trainers moved their eyes from him to me, I was finally considered a part of the community. After a year and a half we had the preliminary exam from which the teams for this programme would be chosen. And, let's just say that he wasn't the nice guy I had as an idol in front of my eyes anymore. He used every single one of my weaknesses against me and focused on no other player than me, trying consecutively to make me lose, until, he just took out a knife he had hidden in one of his pockets and it took him just a few seconds to slit my skin open," 

Felix almost spat the last words, tightening his hand on Changbin's as he didn't dare to look up. 

"I guess I should be thankful to him," The boy kept going in a whisper. "He taught me to _trust no one_ ,"

And after that, there was no sound. The wind was whistling to its favorite ballads and dancing with the curtains, tiptoeing on top of their skin and whispering sweet nothings into their hair. The clock on the wall was ticking by itself and the inhales and exhales of the two boys were meeting and pushing each other away. In a segment of weakness, Changbin scooted even closer to Felix, their faces inches away, so close that he could count each mole on his face. The darkness washed every single fear that dirtied his insights. 

So, fearlessly, he asked:

 

" **Do you trust _me_ , then?"**

 

Felix's breath stuttered at the words he could feel on his own skin and as if drugged, as if he wasn't himself anymore, he lifted his hand and placed it on the other's cheek, his whole self trembling as he nudged his nose onto Changbin's, hearing the older's air hitch in his throat. 

 

There was a ghost in his mind that told him to close the gap that was left between them, but it disappeared as fast as it appeared and left him hopeless as he closed his eyes and exhaled through his nose, lowering his hand from Changbin's face. 

 

None of them dared to speak, so they just let the room they were in and the feelings they had speak for themselves as they left the edgy question unanswered and fell asleep closer to each other than they've ever been. And deep inside, _they both knew the answer_.

 


	9. ANNOUNCEMENT! DON'T SKIP!

_Hey, so, hi, please don't skip this._

_So, well, I hope you guys are doing well. Well, it's been a while and if to be completely honest I think about this story every day but I just can't get myself to write it ( aside from having a very busy program lately ) and I hate going back again and again on things that are already lost._

**_So, I have an idea. First of all I want to thank everyone who read this and left your encouraging comments that always kept me going._ **

**_Second of all, since there will be no more chapters updated to this story, if you read until now and are reading this, _ below I am going to spoil everything that was going to happen till the end.  **

_( I had everything noted down since the beginning )_

**SPOILERS BELOW**

  _CHAPTER 8_ ( **this is a draft** i started a while ago however the chapter was never finished, **read it or scroll to see what generally happens in this chapter** ) 

_There was a malodorous stench in the air, intoxicating Changbin's senses. Everything was dark and silent, a bizzare feeling of anxiety passing through his veins and filling his lungs, like oxygen. His feet were glued to the ground and he could feel his hands weak and shaky, thick liquid dripping down his fingers. He blinked once, twice, failed the third time and after a few more attempts, he opened them so wide, it seemed as if someone pushed his orbs out. He could only see his hands and the fresh, red blood painted on his skin, which he tried to wipe off on his shirt._

_However, no matter how many times he'd try to move his arms, it was as if they were paralysed._

_The rotten smell became stronger, driving Changbin insane and as he tried to find its source, he wished he hadn't. In front of him, under a yellowish light was Felix's corpse drowned in a pool of dirty blood, flies flying in circles over him. Changbin shuddered, his breaths uneven as the image of the young man in front of him kept on replaying in his head, feeling tears gather in his eyes as he opened his mouth to scream, but no sound came out. As he tried to run towards him, but he couldn't even lift his feet off the ground._

 

Changbin's teary eyes shot open, pupils wide as they tried to adapt with the darkness in the room, his loud breaths the only audible sound. The scenes from his dream were still vivid in his mind, his heart beating at an uncatchable rate. Sceptical of the reality he fell into, he slowly glanced down, terrified of what he was about to encounter. But the moment he saw the brunette deep asleep and curled up beside him with his head on Changbin's chest, all of the tension built up inside of him escaped through an exhale. And, without a single second thought he wrapped his arms around the other's figure, nudging his nose in the other's hair which smelled like strawberries.

 

For some reason, he knew that the moment he'll wake up again, the constellations boy wouldn't be with him anymore.

 **He was right**.  _At 5 AM., Lee Felix tremulously kissed Changbin's chest through his black shirt and left the room, as if he was never there to begin with_. 

 

**♘**

 

**THURSDAY, DAY 11**

**4TH MISSION**

_End of draft._

**IN THIS CHAPTER:**

  * Changbin and Felix are put individually in a room filled with mirrors (mission) in each mirror there's someone who's meant to block and confuse you. THE MISSION IS TO FIND THEIR OWN SELVES. 
  * Felix shows up in Changbin's mirrors and vice-versa, they hurt each other since they didn't know that if you hit the person in the mirror, you hit the real person too.



 

**CHAPTER 9 (*) favorite chapter**

**IN THIS CHAPTER:**

  * They cure each other's wounds, Felix kisses one of Changbin's wounds
  * Changbin leaves the room, angry and confused
  * They meet again later in the virtual reality room, in space.
  * Changbin leans his head on Felix's shoulder as they sit on top of Saturn.



**CHAPTER 10**

**IN THIS CHAPTER:**

  * Teams are mixed up, a haunt begins. They have to steal as many badges as they can.
  * Felix and Changbin help each other so they can both stay in the game.



**CHAPTER 11 (*) LAST CHAPTER**

**IN THIS CHAPTER:**

  * Changbin and Felix end up being in the last 5. The person who's been monitoring them all this time accepts everyone except of them. 
  * They are given the command to shoot each other, the one who survives gets to serve the country with the other 3. 
  * Felix says 'I give up' and drops the gun, is eliminated and sent home. Changbin's hand trembles on the gun as his eyes tear up and he's automatically chosen as the last one of the 4.



**THAT WAS THE PLANNED ENDING + A FEW ADDITIONAL CHAPTERS WHICH WOULD'VE INCLUDED:**

 

  * Both of their lives without each other and Changbin looking for Felix with the help of all the benefits he's been given after becoming one of the country's protectors. 
  * Changbin finding Felix and silently watching him from afar and taking care of him without Felix knowing. 
  * Felix finding out. They kiss.



**END.**


End file.
